Burning!

I have always been advised to stifle my frustration in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts and undesirable outcomes. I admit I am rather temperamental and sensitive when it comes to MANY things. There’s nothing like a little devil worshiping music and hammering at random things around me to quell my rage.

Things I’ve been pondering on these past few days:

1. Why is kindness and benevolence always mistaken as a weakness and a sign of vulnerability?
2. Why does it still hurt so much whenever SHE comes into the scene of my everyday activities?

Lets start with the latter. WHY am I still affected whenever SHE comes into the picture? Every time her name is uttered, each moment I talk to her online, on the phone or in person. It sends my heart into palpitations and my breath into shallow gasps.

WHY? Do I want to be affected by it? NO

Do I WANT to have anything to do with her anymore? NO

Do I WANT to forget her and return to becoming my wild, ambitious self with no qualms and little conscience? HELL FUCKING YES!

But the sound of her voice renders me helpless and the sparkle in her eyes tickles me sick. It used to be worse folks, trust me. I was an inch close to a futile obsession. Tomorrow SHE is going to be present at the place where I shall be on duty. It rubs acid into my wounds at every glance. HOWEVER, I will persevere.

Failure is not a permanent state. I shall NOT allow this to forge ahead and I am determined and extremely certain that I WILL one day get over SHE and meet someone better. For now, I make attempts to reinvigorate my emotional state.

One day at a time.

Next.

People mistake nice for SOFT! I am riled and deeply appalled by the very idea! I have been experiencing this for decades ever since school to work to NS even up until NOW I have people taking me for granted. And I suppose that’s what drives me to be such a temperamental impulsive raging prick. My fear of being oppressed and my disgust towards those who compete relentlessly just to prove a selfish and egotistical point – I am better than you!!

So I have come to a conclusion that only those who confront their disputes gain respect from society. Regardless of it being through brute force or intellectual inveigling as long as you make your stand and not give way to others – you become a well respected person.

I used to give in and I was stepped on. Now I’m slowly becoming what I used to hate. But I need it to survive in this rat race. It’s a vicious cycle.

Its Life.

Dave Chappelle’s view on different challenges between genders :

A woman’s greatest challenge in life is material. A man’s greatest challenge in life is WOMEN.